Looking for some simple, practical, and valuable tools to add to your leadership and coaching toolkit? Here are four you can start using today.
Stop leading with the “Don’t” and start leading with the “Do”. This leadership habit is all about asking for what you want vs. what you don’t want. In our realtime coaching workshop we have an exercise re-framing the picture from focusing on what you don’t want to what you do want. We call it the Do-Don’t skill. An example of leading with a “don’t” would be, “I don’t want you to come in late.” Turning that from a don’t to a do sounds like, “I want you to get here on time.” Leaders will often start with a statement of what they didn’t want. Here are some other examples: “No, not like that.” “No, what the heck was that?” “No, don’t go over there.” There are many ways to lead with the “don’t”. The problem is, the “don’t” puts the other person immediately on the defensive or in a frame of mind where they are now thinking about the don’t. For example, “Hey, don’t miss.” When you start with a don’t you are allowing the other person the opportunity to blame, deny, and/or defend your claim. Your new move will be to lead with what you want. Here are some examples: “I want you to produce quality work on time.” “I want you to pass and cut.” “I want you to knock that free throw down.” People will execute better with more ownership and less defensiveness when you begin with what you want.
Be excellent. I am seeing more and more people focusing on perfection vs. excellence. I believe social media has an influence on this type of thinking. I want you to stay out of the trap of perfection and focus on being excellent (see how I asked for what I wanted there?). That doesn’t mean accepting mediocrity. Perfect can be unrealistic. Excellence should be measurable and realistic. And, if we are able to define what excellent means to us (again asking for what we want) we stand a better chance at attaining that goal. Example: I want to make 40% of my 3-point shots, 50% of my 2-point shots, and 90% of my free throws. We should all be able to agree these goals are not “perfect”. What you may not know is this level of excellence has only been achieved 14 times in NBA history and only 4 active players have achieved this goal: Kevin Durant (twice), Steph Curry, Kyrie Irving, and Malcolm Brogdon.
When to use “We” vs. “Me”. I learned about the terms “Sugar and Hot Sauce” from my son’s high school basketball coach to help encourage team feedback and accountability. There are a couple tips I have learned when leading feedback. When things aren’t going well and critical feedback is warranted, lead with “me”. You may say something like, “Team, we didn’t execute. It starts with me. I’ve got to do better on the directions I give going forward.” After the me, it’s OK to open it up the group for their own accountability by saying something like, “Does anyone else have any hot sauce?” When things are going well, lead with “we”. After the “we”, you may have individual shout-outs, but be careful to make sure you don’t leave someone out that believes they should have a gotten a shout-out and then open it up for the team to give “sugar” to other members of the team. Say: “We crushed it. Who would like to spread some sugar around to any of your teammates?” When the trust level of your team is high enough, the team will be able to not only give sugar to their teammates, but also hot sauce. A team that holds each other accountable has a distinct advantage over teams that aren’t able to do that.
Lastly, your attitude is contagious. The attitude you bring has an influence over the entire team. You get to choose the attitude virus you can spread. A negative attitude virus consists of: talking down to others, complaining, blaming others, and being generally disengaged. A positive virus consists of: energy, encouragement, optimism, and a good work ethic. What type of virus do you want to spread?
If you can lead with the we or the me, ask for what you want, be excellent, and spread a positive attitude around your team, you will definitely be raising your leadership game. Time to take it from your seat to the street.